


The Gayest Cars Give The Greatest Advice

by HeavensOkay



Category: Supernatural, destiel - Fandom
Genre: Car Sex, Destiel - Freeform, Human!Impala - Freeform, M/M, Supernatural - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-12
Updated: 2014-06-12
Packaged: 2018-02-04 09:16:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1773814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeavensOkay/pseuds/HeavensOkay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Idea given by: nevergonnawalkpastafez.tumblr.com</p><p>When the beloved 1967 Impala comes to life (as the beautifully sassy John Barrowman) *copious applause* he gives a well needed hint to our favorite trenchcoated angel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Gayest Cars Give The Greatest Advice

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr:  
> http://heavenly-hunter.tumblr.com/  
> Kudos and comments always appreciated!!

“Sammy!”  
The younger Winchester was buried in a book, and sighed lazily before he got up to see what Dean needed. It was the seventh time he’d called for him in the last hour. I swear if that idiot got himself stuck in another Devil’s Trap I’m going to bathe him in holy water.  
“SAMMY!”  
After running out of the bunker, sensing the rising urgency in his brother’s voice, Sam came to an abrupt stop. What should have been a 1967 Chevy Impala in black was Dean gaping at some strange man. He was devilishly handsome, and was wearing all black, even in the blistering heat.  
“Sammy…Sammy do you…are you…is this…” Dean could have prated all day before the attractive man spoke in a voice clearer than crystal.  
“Oh what? Am I not cute enough for you?” the man spoke, winking suggestively at either Sam or Dean, or both.  
The brothers were speechless, as many ideas were surfacing to their heads. Almost concurrently the pulled out knives to fight whatever this guy was, if he was even human.  
“Whoa? Sam, I’m nothing to be afraid of! You already carved into me a while ago,” he spoke, lifting up the sleeve of his sleek black shirt to reveal four letters, SW and DW. “And Dean is that how you treat your baby?”  
“Who are you?” Dean questioned, still alert and concerned at the possible threat.  
“Your best friend, your soul mate, your savior, your home, you baby, your most prized possession, you’ve had a number of names for me over the years.”  
“Are…are you the Impala?” Sam realized, and the man smiled with such beauty, Sam noticed Dean swallow a little too nervously to be considered completely hetero. Also, the fact Dean hadn’t stopped checking the man out was a little questionable. Sam had only ever seen Dean act this way around Cas, so he figured things were about to get interesting.  
“Bingo,” the guy said, with enough charisma to make Dean’s boxers fall off.  
“You’re really my car?” Dean asked, with a sudden interest.  
“Yeah, ya know, the one you had sex in, crashed a million times, that’d be me. Oh, and you can keep calling me Baby, Dean.”  
“No. No, there is no way in Hell I am calling you that.” Dean defensively remarked.  
“Fine. Angel or Darling will do fine. Or Honey Buns would be fabulous,” the Impala said with a chuckle. “So, now that I have legs, arms, and even more parts,” he said seductively, “Let’s go do something fun. Get a little dirty. Got any singles boys?”  
“Baby-I err mean, Dude, we have to get you fixed. I need my car back. I mean it’s kind of cool to see you as, you know, a human, but I need my Impala back. My dad bought it years ago, and it’s too precious to let go. She’s part of the family,” Dean begged. “I ain’t letting her go.”  
The Impala rolled his eyes. “But I could sing ACDC for you. I could make you apple pie and cuddle with you, make you feel special and loved like you have me for all these years. I could make you so happy as a human Dean,” he said with an absolute glow. “And I want to meet that cute boyfriend of yours.”  
Sam busted out with laughter. After an if-looks-could-kill glare from Dean, he cockily said, “Oh what? So you could show him who Dean belongs to?”  
At this point both Sammy and the Impala were cracking up. “Shut up, you stupid sons of bitches! I don’t swing that way!” Dean huffed.  
“Yeah, and the world doesn’t go ‘round, Deanie.” The Impala smirked. After Dean stormed off, Sam showed the Impala the bunker. They reminisced about good times, and drank themselves silly.  
“Oh, and you should see the way they look at each other! They’re practically married to each other,” Sam explained with finesse.  
“And I’ve only begun to hear about all the times they’ve saved each other,” the Impala said flamboyantly. After clearly his throat (about the first manly thing he did since meeting the brothers) he continued to ask about the tragic love story of Dean Winchester and Castiel. “So after the two met, love at first sight, after the whole angel war, forbidden feelings and requited love, after the Leviathans, what happened?”  
“Oh, they went to Purgaytory!” Sam snorted. “Deanie spent a year looking for his gorgeous angel, all while his lover had separated himself from Dean to protect him.” Sam said dreamily as the two laughed again. “But really, they are each other’s best friends; Cas couldn’t have put it more clearly when he told me about their ‘more profound bond’.” Sam said in a horrible rendition of Castiel’s deep voice.  
“Does this ‘profound bond’ find its way to the bedroom?” the Impala said sarcastically, which raised a laugh from Sam.  
“Then let me guess, one of them finally got tired of hiding their boners and kissed the other! All the ravishing looks of sexual tension and desire finally got the best of them! Muy caliente sexo!” the Impala said with a sexy Spanish flare and a giggle.  
“No, they haven’t officially made out yet. And then all the angels fell, so Cas wanted to stay here, with Dean of course. But to protect me and my Gadreel situation, he kicked his love out. The ache and heartbreak of romance. Cas was devastated.” Sam sighed, in a dramatic style. “Although, the memories of Dean’s pretty soul, and his smiles, and his jokes, and the way he smells like whiskey and leather and his bright green eyes, his heroic mannerisms must have saved Cas from oblivion.”  
The Impala was beginning to tear up. “Oh, true love will find its way through, I know it will! CAN THEY EVER ONCE BE HAPPY?”  
Sam and the Impala began to sing with tears and soul, occasionally interrupted by hiccups of drunkenness. “Something in the way she knows, And all I have to do is think of her, Something in the things she shows me, I don't want to leave her now….”  
After they stopped muttering incoherent things about love and Dean and Cas finally being able to be together, and something about female mechanics, they settled down and resumed their intoxicated conversation.  
“Hey Dean! This alcohol stuff tastes delicious!” the Impala slurred. “Oh, and be a dear and call your sweetheart Castiel over here. *Hiccup* I reeeeeeeaally wanna meet him Deanie.”  
“Firstly, shut up with the Deanie shit. It’s weird. And second, Cas doesn’t want to meet some drunken, self-assertive, walking innuendo like yourself, buddy.”  
And at the same time, both Sam and the Impala said, “Oh, you would know what he wants, Dean,” and laughed until they passed out. Dean rolled his eyes and sighed as he began to pick up the scattered beer bottles, and when he turned around to throw them away, he saw a cherry-red Cas standing behind him, eyes blown wide and breathing heavily.  
“Oh hey Cas. When did you get here?” Dean asked innocently.  
After complete silence, Dean looked up from his work to see Cas staring at him with a look of embarrassment and hesitation.  
“You didn’t hear all that, right?” Dean asked quickly, praying to God he wasn’t going to hear what he knew he was about to.  
“No, I heard all of it.” Cas said, looking like he wanted to die.  
The Impala walked over, and Dean noticed how he purposely swished his hips. God my car is gay he thought.  
“Oh heeeeeey Castiel. Having a little one-on-one with Dean, eh?” he said with a chuckle.  
“Shut up Impala. Cas, my car was turned into a guy. Do you think you can turn his chirpy ass back?” Dean pleaded.  
“Only *hiccup* if you two *hiccup* bang in the backseat *hiccup* after,” the Impala joyously replied.  
Cas turned an even deeper shade of red and rushed out of the room. Sam laughed from the couch, where he had tripped over the coffee table and fell onto, lying there until he could muster the soberness to stand up again.  
Over the next several awkward hours, Dean and Cas researched spells to turn the Impala back into vehicle form. The Impala and Sam just kept drinking and expanding on their theories of how Cas and Dean’s relationship would be like.  
“Well I think Dean would drive out to the country with his angel at 2 in the morning, and they’d lie on top of me and watch the beautiful stars. And then Cas would look at Dean, and notice all his beautiful freckles, as appealing as the constellations themselves, and he’d start kissing Dean all over and-“  
“Shut up lover boy. We’re almost done finding you a cure.” Dean interrupted, but not before Cas’s heart had started racing. All this talk of him and Dean being together was making him nervous. He’d kept his love for Dean a secret all these years, and he couldn’t lose Dean’s friendship if it was discovered. Dean seemed to be untouched by the conversation, and Cas was finding being able to keep his cool was getting harder, along with something else.  
“Or maybe Cas would wake up in bed and snuggle with Dean because he thought his lover was still asleep, but Dean would love it and roll over and run his fingers through Cas’s hair and-“  
“Sammy be quiet!” Dean barked. “Ah, finally, here it is.”  
“Oh joy, I get to go back to being abused and ridden,” the Impala joked. “Actually, on second thought, that doesn’t sound like a bad idea.” He said with a wink.  
After about an hour of work they finally transformed the Impala back into the car.  
“Hey Cas,” the Impala said right before they performed the spell. “Come take a walk with me.”  
“I want my car back now,” Dean moaned.  
“Oh hush you; I don’t get to see real beauty very often. So I want to take a walk with it.”  
Dean sighed, dismissing the two for a short walk.  
....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................  
“Listen, Cassie, I’ve been with Dean for a very long time. I’ve watched over him, grown up with him, experience Hell and back with him. I’ve seen all his girlfriends, and not one of them could compare-“  
“Listen sir, all that intoxicated talk of Dean and I-“  
“How’d I know?” the Impala replied, with a slight raise of his eyebrow.  
The angel stopped, realizing the man had finished his sentence.  
“You and Dean have been through it all. Ever since you marked him in Hell, he’s been yours. You gave him comfort and hope in the darkest times of his life. Even though you were an ass, he still loved you. And you love him. Some things are meant to be, Cas. Just make sure you take care of him, or I’ll run over your feathery ass until next Thursday.”  
Castiel smiled at the comment, and the two walked back to the bunker. The hunters and angel said their goodbyes, and the car was once again a car.

A good author had once written:  
The Impala, of course, has all the things other cars have... and a few things they don't. But none of that stuff's important. This is the stuff that's important. The Army man that Sam crammed in the ashtray--it's still stuck there. The Legos that Dean shoved into the vents. to this day, heat comes on, and you can hear 'em rattle. These are the things that make the car theirs. Really theirs. Even when Dean rebuilt it from the ground up, he made sure all these little things stayed. 'Cause it's the blemishes that made her beautiful.

 

………………………………………………………………

 

Epilogue:  
Cas, of course, kept his promise to the car. Later that night, Cas and Dean ended up having a little fun in the backseat of the car. Both Sammy and the Impala were right, Cas and Dean spent most of their time doing those cute, couple-y things, like waking up to each other, snuggling when watching movies, that sort of thing. But by far, their favorite past time was sitting on the hood of the Impala, watching the stars...


End file.
